Black hole

Whenever I look at your blog I feel so determine. Very drop of blood in my body boils. very cell in my brain have the motivation to do well for o's. I dont know why but it just come. What am I doing with my life? I am not smoking not taking drugs not doing anything that is against the rules. But why am I feeling so unsure. So unsatisfied with everything. I feel like I dont have enough. I want more. More than I am having right now. I dont know what I want too. Just something I want to have so badly. I look at myself. And ask who am I?. Funny or what?. this is some sort of emotional shit。I dont wish that I will sound that deprive sometimes. Cause sometimes its just embarrassing to say that I am so deprive, deprive till I am here depressing every single day. I want my life to have some fireworks now. some sparks in my life sometimes will do too.

Sometimes when I say something, I hope no one will guess who or what is it referring too. I guess. I feel better that way.

Sometimes. I feel so unimportant. As in not in terms of friends or what so ever. Just you know in general.

Overall I just want everything so badly. Alright I am deprived. I am so fucking deprived of everything. I want everything. I need everything. I wish everything I wish for would come true. I wish I will control my diet well enough. There's so much I wanna wish for. And I wish every single one of them would come true. If I were to die at this moment. Someone shoot me down or what so ever, I guess I will be a ghost and not go to either hell or heaven cause I am just so greedy right now, Cause I want every single thing.

Where's my pride, confidence? Return them to me, whoever who took them away from me. Return them to me cause I need them to pull me through this crucial period.