Sunday, September 7, 2014

It's time to really let things go and start afresh. Will anyone help me with it?

Strong Front

I've been behaving like a old woman lately. Nagging and being mad at the littlest things that is happening around me. I have no idea why.. but.. it just happen since I have no idea when. I hate this. It ruins the ties I have with my brother but at the same time I'm so worried for him. He's not doing or even worried about his own examinations... So... why should I even bother... This is soooooo fking irritating...

I realise I have been doing the same to so many others... I hate this part of me so badly.. It makes me feel like I have to be alone for a while and just let myself think things over. So many things have been bugging me this year. And as everyone knows... I'm not the type of person that will let matter rest until I find out what is really going on. And so here I am now... being a troubled soul for nothing when I can just simply let go and not care. BUT I CANT. This is a bitch. Life is a bitch being like this to me...

Life has been simply mundane with no excitments at all. There wasn't really a time like recently that I feel truly happy. Maybe contented yes. But happy like laughing my soul out. NO. Just need to get that part driving in my life. Or maybe I have to take control about my life and care more about me and just me and not other fuckers that dont give a shit about anything else other than themselves. I should shut my ears out on everything from now onwards and be less judgemental and to see people for who they are and not analyse too much or be too skeptical about others. I should take things on the surface.

I should let everything restart. Shouldnt let those things that have hurt me that will pull me down till today. Everyone else out there that have made my life this way give no shit about me. They don't think what they have done to my life or maybe what I am feeling right now. They don't give a shit. They are as happy as they can be with their spouses and like as if I never occurred. Guess what I am going to do the same shit too. I don't give a shit anymore to what other people think about me. This is who I am. I want to be as happy as I can be. Be selfish for all I care.

But, guess what. I can't. Because you guys meant so much to me in the past. And you hurt me so deep.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Its been so long since I even start to type and think about I should really reflect on.
Nowadays, there's just too way too many things that I want to face up to or even admit... Every single problems ( i don't even know whether they are problems, usually I will just shove them aside as things). Simply put, what I am facing everyday is just chaos I have no idea what I should do... I have no idea where my life is moving towards.. I am just a sad depressed and just wants to be locked out of this world kind of kid right now and wish that someone is able to depict my life... How difficult or challenging can it get? Stable life...... And right now I am having difficulties achieving this shit! How can things get to this point?

Can't I just be a soul that flies around randomly and be everywhere that I want to be without any worries. I think I havent grow... I am just not suited to be 19 right now... Maybe everyone is right.. I am still that kid... that kid that doesnt know how to handle responsibilities.the one that doesnt know how to differentiate between the rights and the wrongs and just wish to have fun throughout her life...
I feel like my life has to slow down... JUST SLOW THE FK DOWN.., CAUSE IM NOT AT ALL READY! I am not ready to go out there to fight a spot in university... not in the right mind to face politics.... not in to be commited and stay committed in this act called love. Oh god.... I just wish someone can just teach me! someone get me ready for this shit.

Please... Someone please be somewhere and let me find you and teach me how I should lead my life.... and figure out within me what I want in my life... I'm just like a lost soul right now.