Strong Front

I've been behaving like a old woman lately. Nagging and being mad at the littlest things that is happening around me. I have no idea why.. but.. it just happen since I have no idea when. I hate this. It ruins the ties I have with my brother but at the same time I'm so worried for him. He's not doing or even worried about his own examinations... So... why should I even bother... This is soooooo fking irritating...

I realise I have been doing the same to so many others... I hate this part of me so badly.. It makes me feel like I have to be alone for a while and just let myself think things over. So many things have been bugging me this year. And as everyone knows... I'm not the type of person that will let matter rest until I find out what is really going on. And so here I am now... being a troubled soul for nothing when I can just simply let go and not care. BUT I CANT. This is a bitch. Life is a bitch being like this to me...

Life has been simply mundane with no excitments at all. There wasn't really a time like recently that I feel truly happy. Maybe contented yes. But happy like laughing my soul out. NO. Just need to get that part driving in my life. Or maybe I have to take control about my life and care more about me and just me and not other fuckers that dont give a shit about anything else other than themselves. I should shut my ears out on everything from now onwards and be less judgemental and to see people for who they are and not analyse too much or be too skeptical about others. I should take things on the surface.

I should let everything restart. Shouldnt let those things that have hurt me that will pull me down till today. Everyone else out there that have made my life this way give no shit about me. They don't think what they have done to my life or maybe what I am feeling right now. They don't give a shit. They are as happy as they can be with their spouses and like as if I never occurred. Guess what I am going to do the same shit too. I don't give a shit anymore to what other people think about me. This is who I am. I want to be as happy as I can be. Be selfish for all I care.












But, guess what. I can't. Because you guys meant so much to me in the past. And you hurt me so deep.