Stagnant

Was is self denial that I am experiencing now, or is it something that is buried so deep that I myself cant figure it out. I have the urge t spill everything out. But every single time I tried, nothing came. Its just something that is buried in my stomach waiting for it to be grind away, but right now its just fats that is clotting up my vessels in my body making me breathless and anxious. I need a passion for something that will push me forward. I feel stagnant as ever. Not even moving anywhere. My expectations for myself I guess became higher. I want to go a better place with a better future. I want to make my own history someday too. Something that is worthwhile learning.