Nothing really makes you who you are.

Sometimes.. I wish someone is here for me right now. Not physically but rather someone that is willing to hear me out and understand me whenever I need it. Right now, I really need someone. Those that are there previously are gone. Disconnected.
Just don't understand why every single time there will be separation, cant we just go on with life without leaving everyone out! I am tired of adapting I am tired of changing I am tired of finding new friends actually.
I want to cry. I want people to understand why I cry even though they may be childish.. I want to say I love you whenever I want to. Even though I cant say it to the person I like I can say it to you just to relieve myself.
I want to talk to someone that will never have to make me think if that is right or wrong childish or mature.

Right now, I have no idea what to do. I hate to see what I have to see today! I hate that I actually feel something when I saw that slip of paper! I hate it when I actually look at her and I actually hate her! I hate it that I actually love your eyes and how it seem to relieve me. I hate how you always reply me when I talk to you. I hate how you are always there when I ask you out! I hate how you can always get for me the things I want! I hate how I tolerate all your nonsense and all your fantasy about her and you in your future. I hate how you are so immature and still I like you. I hate how you always lead me to the wrong road. I hate how I misunderstand the things that you did for me. How I wish I could turn all this hate to love. I only wish I had a chance. I want a chance. Even though I know there is none. I know this is not a crush or an eyecandy.

Will I be close to you if I continue to tolerate those things that you always mention to me about her? Do you even think I can continue to be a friend of yours?

I just so tired of pretending to be cheerful next to you, I just want you to know how I feel sometimes.

Hope that this feeling will just fade away.