"she's not you"

It hurts like FUCK. I have no idea how I actually handle and cope with this.
I thought 'love' was a stupid word. I thought I wouldnt fall that hard for you. Repeatedly, I kept telling myself you are not my type. And, look at my right now.. You chose her. HER. Cant she see how much you love her? Cant she just see. Or maybe she doesnt deserve you. Oh god.. I have no idea what I am getting myself into. This is totally horrible. I want to be angry and be over it once and for all. But its not working. I feel alright whenever you talk to me. It doesnt matter if the topic if her or not. It doesnt matter whether you are telling me how happy you felt after she smiled at you. Or you gave her a ring and she accepted it. It doesnt matter what you say. Your voice just soothes my heart. You just made everything feel okay for me. Maybe I dont deserve someone like you. Someone like you that is always there for me when I need you. Maybe I do not deserve you after all the sins that I have made. Maybe I dont deserve to be love,...
But it just hurts like FUCK. can you please dont ask her for prom? The thought of it just kills.
What does she have that I do not? What good does she have that she have so much of your love. So much of your attention. Cant you just spare some for me? Those times that we spent together were so damn good to me. But to you... you think of her, when you are out with me. What am I to you exactly. WHAT THE FK SHE HAS THAT I DONT.  I just dont understand.
Right now. I just dont know what to do. BUT why her?? it hurts like crazyyy
its just doesnt feel good. She dont deserve this...I love you so much more.
I