And sometimes, I just feel that I am such a failure at things sometimes. SS! I can say fuck for all I want at it but it will still be there. What if I treat it nicely? Will it be nice to me too? I want a happy family you know, I want to smile all day, without seeing my dad or mum upset again because of my result. And that's whats making me cry so hard inside. Its not the fact that I have failed but the fact that when I go home I will face the same tensed up atmosphere again! Does singapore have to make education system so stressful, to the extend they have to budge into families relationship, making them worse. You know, Many suicidal students died because of their results, afraid that they will get beating scolded and all the harsh punishment they will get.
From now on, I going to close all ears to those who said that they didnt study or only study abit or just the day before exams. Cause you know why, cause in the end they get GOOD results. and me fucking failed. You know how much of a failure I felt. I am starting to see the real world. 'Believe in no one' people always say. And the best person to believe is yourself. I'm going to follow that path. I'm so fed up with everyone out there right now. And my competitiveness level is so high right now, that I have a feeling that I want to conquer, I want to beat it down so bad. English Language is just something that I am feeling so bitter up inside me. Everything has to do with English. You know how bad is that whenever you have to face something that you are not good at all? You know! You know that feeling?? Of course you do, Everyone has something that they are bad at. And yet, I am feeling so bitter inside. So bitter. I can feel that I want to burst or get knock down by the car while the cars are driving passed( See i dont even know which pass to use) me. What the fuck am I seriously.
I need to have some respect in myself soon.
And get my optimistic thinking back to my bloody competivtness brains
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