Maybe Im like a bitch like everyone is.

Today's lecture was such an eye opener. How everyone is trying to compete for survival where in this world everything is scarce, insufficient to feed our endless cravings, satisfaction. Going through today's lecture feels like a reflection of myself.

The reason why people can get away with doing evil, is because the contexts permits so. What have the context become, a self centered, uncaring, ungracious monster? Thats what I am maybe. I guess I am never as good as everyone say that I am. I am some what selfish, I am somewhat ungracious, I am somewhat self centered.

'We identify what we are' - If I identify a bitch, then I am a bitch. But in the first place do I have any idea what does a bitch exactly look like in the first place? If Singaporeans detest foreigners so much, what is their reason for hating them. They are competitors? They steal our jobs? the place we live? Our money? But the thing is we are like this too, arent we? Trying to dig out any opportunities we have to stand a chance of survival. Competing with each other through whatever means we can think of.

I am feeling so lost. Have no idea where I am heading to. What am I looking forward to. What is my aim. There is just nothing for me to achieve. I just wish there is somewhat some motivation for me to move forward. But whatever I am facing right now is just disappointment over again and again. What makes me feel that there's still a little hope that I can win over his heart. Why cant I just place that little light of hope into my promos. This society is just so result driven. Why the promos. So many things is going through my head at the same time. And everyone of them are just unanswered questions. I can see no clear pathway right infront of me. All I can see is a road clogged with morning fog that never go away. I feel so sad for myself sometimes. I feel sorry for myself. What the hell am I doing. Passing each day aimlessly wishing for something that will never come true. Friends said it over and over again GIVE UP. Why cant I. Why cant I just let go. Why must I always hold on to something for so long! Why Am I letting myself suffer like this?


I shouldnt have got myself into this thing. Someone, God or whoever, guide me before its too late. Bring me forward. Let me overcome my own emotions.

Just so glad to have these friends around. 

Its time for me to focus on what I really want for myself. And work towards it. And not hope for what is already gone. Look forward to what is ahead of me. Its time to aim high and be positive again. Its time to see you are nothing but just a passerby.

I should just absorb myself into studies. And stop getting distracted. Plus there is no time for that.

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power

 -Abraham Lincoln -